Look at me…

Last week we added a new member to the family… a puppy.  It has been fun to see the kids live into their new identity of pet owners.  They are waking up and letting the dog out each morning, making sure that when they get themselves breakfast they also add a scoop of dog food to his bowl, playing with him even if what they “want” to do is watch a show.  They snuggle, and wrestle, and just lay on the ground with this little pup.  I have enjoyed just taking it all in, it turns out my kids can be pretty sweet.  This afternoon I witnessed the sweetest display of love between Levi and the puppy.  Levi was sitting on the ground with his ipad watching a youtube video when the puppy came over and nudged him with his little nose.  At first Levi seemed oblivious to the puppy’s presence, but the dog was persistent.  He nudged again and then pawed at Levi’s shorts.  This time Levi looked up and then (here comes the sweetness) he set his ipad down, took the puppy’s face in this hands, and whispered “Look at me”.  The little puppies eyes looked up and as the two stared into each other’s eyes, Levi whispered “Hey- I love you,” he kissed the puppy’s head, brought him onto his lap, and went back to his ipad. 

It was likely the words he chose that did it, but I definitely teared up in the moment.  Just this past Sunday in worship we were exploring together the story of Peter healing the man who was unable to walk, outside of the temple (Acts 3).  The scene begins with explaining that Peter and John were on their way into the temple for afternoon prayers.  They wouldn’t have been alone, other faithful Israelites would have been headed in for 3 o’clock prayer time.  There was a man outside the temple, at the entrance known as the Beautiful Gate, who squatted at the gate and asked those headed in for money.  This man wasn’t deemed good enough to enter the temple himself, his physical limitations were considered a mark of God’s judgment.  So he sat and as he watched the feet of people passing he asked for money.  Some would drop some where he sat, others would go in probably pretending they didn’t notice him.  Peter and John were in the crowd. They had probably seen the man before, the texts says that many knew him as the beggar at the gate.  But today, Peter and John saw him— really saw him.  Peter stopped and as he and John looked at the man, Peter said “Look at me”.  Now you can read this in a condescending tone, as a righteous man towering over a man in need and demanding his attention.  But I don’t think that is this story, as I hear it now I envision Peter squatting down to the man’s level and saying the words out of kindness and sincerity “Look at me.” The man looks, still expecting money.  The passage says that as they look at each other, Peter goes on to say “I don’t have money to give you, I cannot offer you what you are asking for, but what I have I give to you” (my paraphrase). He has already given so much.  He has given himself to this man, and in return the man gives himself as well.  They both pause from their independent chaos and say with their eyes “I see you, you are worthy, I will be in this space with you, we are in relationship.” 

We find ourselves in this same scenario day after day.  Sure the details are different, we may not be unable to walk, or we may not be focused on our religious ritual, but we have “ailments” that keep us from engaging others in meaningful relationship whether by our intention or their’s.  We all have things on our agenda that demand our time and captivate our attention.  And we all have the opportunity to put them aside and see each other for the gift we have the potential of being in each others’ lives.  

Levi chose to see the puppy.  What choices are we making each day as we interact with co-workers… other parents at school… our children… strangers? Are we leaving enough space in our lives that we have time and energy to truly see the people we cross paths with? Are we making ourselves available to be seen?  Like the man asking for money, we often buy in to the world’s script that says we aren’t good enough, that there is something about who we are that if other people knew, if they saw that side of us, we wouldn’t be allowed in, we wouldn’t be enough for them.  So instead of taking the chance on a relationship, we default to the belief that the only possible outcome is hurt, so why engage.  Like the worshipers headed into the temple, we fill our schedules with things that must get done.  We go from one activity to another, checking them off the list and watching our clocks to ensure we are on schedule.  The result is tunnel vision that keeps us from seeing the people and events on the peripheral of our vision.  We micro schedule our lives so much that we don’t have time for the incidental gifts and blessings of each day.  We miss out on relationship, we miss out on life. Honestly, we are often both at the same time— somehow feeling a mixture of unworthiness and self righteousness at the same time— the perfect cocktail for disengagement and loneliness.  

How do we fully show up to this life? to the people we are blessed with? to the strangers that are supposed to become friends? How do we show up for ourselves?  Take some time… what is speaking into your life right now? What have you identified as your areas where you are not enough? how are you letting them keep you from engaging with others?  What areas do you need to build some margin into, some time, or some intentionality into so that you have the time and energy to see what is going on around you and can take a moment to pause and engage when invited?  

I am grateful for how you have shown up in my life.  Sometime in our shared history, you paused and chose to engage.  I am confident that it has blessed me and helped shape who I am.  I hope you can say the same.  We have said to each other in some capacity- “I may not have what you think you are looking for, but what I have I am willing to share with you” and in that exchange we have offered each other healing and connection.  Thank you for choosing to see me and for allowing me to see you.